went out with a friend today

so, today I had a good day, I had a lot of anxiety, though. I went out with Jade, one of my friends who I went to school with. We had a good day, I went with her to get her nails done, then we went to a store to look for icecream after. We found a icecream that was on sale, so we bought it.

After we bought the icecream, I went back to her house for a few hours, I had dinner there, we had schnitzel, corn and fries, it was really awesome.

Although I had a lot of anxiety throughout the day, I was happy I dealt with it, instead of avoiding the whole situation, like I was going to at the start.

When I got home however, it was a different story.

I walked through the door, and my sisters boyfriend was playing the music really loud. This sent me into a panic attack, I knew as soon as I walked through the door, that something wasn’t right, my heart started racing, I started feeling really detached from reality and not like myself. I was trying to hold a conversation with my dad, to see if it would calm me down a bit but it didn’t. I tried to walk into my room, but by then it was too late. I went into fight or flight mode, I ran from my room to the kitchen. I told my dad I don’t feel good and I asked him to get me a drink. When he did I  drank two glasses of water, then I started to calm down a bit. It took a while for me to calm down, though, seeing as my dad was telling me I was having a seizure, which made it worse for me, because this is one of my fears. I don’t believe it was the beginnings of a seizure, I believe it was a panic attack, caused by the music. I am fine when I can control the volume of the music, but if it is too loud for me, I don’t cope well.

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