some anxiety and going out

today, I went out with my friend Jade. We went to the shops. I was a bit reluctant to go, though, because of my anxiety. It was really high, and for some unknown reason, I don’t like to go out with people other than my family, I get a lot of anxiety if they are not there. I felt physically sick, similar to how I feel when I have to be left alone, it wasn’t good. I tried to meditate beforee we left, and that helped somewhat.

In the car, I told my dad that it would be easier if he came because it would save him time and he wouldn’t have to go back home and then back to the shops to pick us up. But what I really wanted of course, was for him to be there, while we went, as much as I hate to admit it. I know I did the wrong thing, and I shouldn’t have done that.

It is hard to not let the anxiety take control, though, its easier to avoid the situation as much as possible, when I’m thinking like I do when I have the anxiety, even though I know it won’t help in the long run. I really regret the decision I made to make him stay.

But all in all, we had a good time.

Over the next few days while Jade is here, I will try to go out with her as much as possible, without anyone from my family being there too. That will be really hard to do, but I’ll give it a try.

The more I do things that I am afraid to do, will make it easier in the long run.

Its not easy to do the things your afraid of though.

But, I’m sure I will be fine, I’m just thinking too much about things as usual.

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