not a very good day.

today started off really good. I was thinking of contacting guide dogs for some orientation and mobility training, (in other words, showing me different places to go around my area). A few hours had passed, my sister had made a doctors appointment for my niece, they had sprung it on me, there was like 5 or 4 minutes till they were due to leave. My anxiety was not  good. Her partners friend was there as well, I didn’t want to ask him to stay, so I just went to ask him if he was going with them or not, so I guess its the same as asking him if he was staying there or not. He said that he wasn’t going, which I was kind of glad about, but also I am kin o upset at myself for doing that, because, I know better than that. I know I shouldn’t enable my fears, I know it will only make it worse. and I don’t want that.

My boyfriend  was sleeping at the time, which I have come to realize now that even though he is on skype usually when they are gone, that is still a form of me relying  on someone to be there, even though they are not physically there, if that makes any sense.

So, rather than me talking to someone when everyone is out, I need to be bymyself, without anyone on skype or any other form of technology. That will be hard for me to do, and I know that. But I have to do it, because, it will help me a lot, I think.

Next time I will try hardre. I will never give up, no matter how upset I get at myself.

Every bit is progress

:). .

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