can’t sleep.

so, I can’t sleep, so I decided what better thing to do then write a blog at nearly 3 AM.


A few days ago I called Saint johns and tried to organize to get a vollenteer to help me to learn to be on my own. I am a bit excited about the new vollenteer, but a bit nervous at the same time.

I used to have a lot of trouble with explaining my needs properly to organizations, which in turn made it difficult for them to understand me properly, for example, I had organised mobility with the GuideDogs association at one time a few years ago, it was going well, until he tried to make me walk by myself somewhere and told me he would meet me there. I of course, got frightened and freaked out. Then after that session, I stopped contacting them.

I don’t want to be like that with this vollenteer too. I’ll try my best not to be. I guess i’ll take things slowly with her, build up trust and all that.


Another thing,

The otherday I was sitting here thinking to myself so, other people stay by themselves, with minimal or no difficulty, how do they do that?

I guess i say that, because this monophobia is all I have ever known, I haven’t ever been able to fully enjoy time by myself, I have always had to fill my time doing something, only until the anxiety and pannic wears off, then I calm down a bit and start to get used to it, but ever with no pannic envolved.

But hopefully soon i will be better


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